Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
