I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
