I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
