I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
