I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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