Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
