I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do vagina's smell?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
