im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize