Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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