You work out of a Hotel?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
