Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
