sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
