Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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