I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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