upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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