Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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