If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
