I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
