so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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