You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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