I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
