Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
