that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
