You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
