I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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