The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
