I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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