So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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