On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
