cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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