remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
