so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
