hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
