Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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