The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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