you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
