well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
