I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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