why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
