Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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