dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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