Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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