that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize