Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
