you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
