I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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