Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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