Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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