Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
