I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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