Just fell off a train. Bad.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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