Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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