Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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