I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
