It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
do nipples grow back?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
