piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
