Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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