Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
