So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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