Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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