I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
