So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just pee around me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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