xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
