Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
