You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
