I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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