is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
