Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
